And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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