Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
