if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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