After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
