1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
