I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She told me I should be a condom model.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
