guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
