Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
