I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
