i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
