Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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