when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
