when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
