dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
