he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
