Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
