and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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