i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
