my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
