Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
