this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
