I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
