david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
