He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
