This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
