I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
