if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
