I seem to have left my pride at pride
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
