She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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