maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
