Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
