why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
