I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
