the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
