i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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