There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
