YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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