Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
