Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
