I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
