Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
