I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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