dude i'm inner monologue high
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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