I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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