Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
