3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
