You smell like stripper and shame
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
