I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
