i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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