went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
