You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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