Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
