We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
