I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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