Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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