this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
